It had been a laborious 7 years realizing the garden before her, bringing a smile. Enjoying her morning tea on the secreted bench against the stone wall, she allowed a memory to surface. He had been a "grass" man. Well trimmed and mowed green lawns without obstructions were his goal. However, January 22, 2000, the day before their 35th wedding anniversary that had all changed without warning.
Pull the covers over her head and hide .... how can this be .... cannot tolerate being in this bed, this room .... he had layed next to her .... touched her .... loved her .... held her .... kissed her .... whispered with her. All of this NEVER to happen again. The touch of his hand on hers or the arm casually thrown across and drawing her close in the middle of the night. Paint, rearrange the furniture, then she could return to that bed. Perhaps, sleeping in the middle of the king size bed would work. Everyone said "give it time" ... time to what ... not hurt .... her heart not to squeeze.
When she'd always been someones daughter, next a wife, then a mother, that person she was intending to be was left far behind as she became all the pieces required to achieve the present goals and other's needs: mate, housekeeper, cook, laundress, chauffeur, accountant, judge, friend, doctor, receptionist, secretary, event planner, controller of all things .... and on and on and on. The sudden realization that without notification she have, essentially, been fired. O.K., not fired but what? NO more need for breakfast or anything.
So, now what? The first few years are numbingly painful. No one feels comfortable with what to say or not, for fear of upsetting her. What "they" don't realize is skirting the subject makes her want to go home. The inevitable finally happens .... many ole "friends"/acquaintances [couples] drop her from the invitation list. A few are persistant ... we are going to the concert, no is not an acceptable answer.Then there was the cruise,; when everything about her said NO, she heard herself saying yes.
Just about the time she thinks the worse has happened, lightening strikes .... literally. Well, of course, why not. What was that about control .... we have NONE!!!! So, there it is, plain as the nose on your face, take a tac, any tac ....DO SOMETHING! Repairs complete, just need to address the porch and the yard.
He said it so casually it almost was lost in the conversation .... "that will be $10,000 for the stone porch and walk"."Well, I'll get back to you." Was he out of his mind?. At that moment, she made a conscious decision. Grass - Garden - Grass - Garden ..... oh, and I can create the stone work with "my boulders". Work began in earnest in 2003. The hidden artist began to creep into the conscious with a vision. Today, look at this ..... the only thing lacking are birdhouses for the garden friends. Funny, she is creating one of a kind nesting at the pottery studio.
So, the bench against the stone wall for morning tea .... in the garden..... with the birds, squirrels, and fish ... you bet fish .... she put in a small 70 gallon pond for Magellan and Galileo. Still finding, trying on. traveling, catering, writing, fishing. OH, AND, the newest .... adopting a toss away puppy .... haven't told Finnegan [10 year old green eyed, grey tabby cat]. Her life had been based on deep, abiding, accepting love..... somethings never change. However, the artist has crept into every aspect of her life .... she was going to be an artist!!!! It only took 11 years ... one would think she was slow ..... well, it did take 7 years to create the garden.